(The following was created, conjured, enlisted via my iPhone 5 throughout the date accompanying this post, entry, snapshot, gesture, picture, musical fragment, poeisis.)
I'm writing again today from the annex. I have been scared about doing work openly like this and then I reread yesterday's work and get such a good feeling from it. A feeling of truth, of honesty, of finding clarity in my own life, a clearing in the woods, like a green open field you come upon while hiking.
I had a performance review here 'at work' and what I learned from it was caring is not something to be overlooked, that it is a tremendous source of strength and a way of bettering oneself.
I'm finding that care starts with oneself. You can't fake it but you can be honest when it's not there.
Am I going to become a store manager with Goodwill? This has got me like all wondering and stuff.
I realize here that one of my heroes Trent Reznor probably would not say something like "like all wondering and stuff". The truth is more fulfilling even though sometimes awkward to get to. So what is here for me? I'm pretty excited to find out. Artwork
Today's annex has been formed throughout the day and now in the evening and not at my iMac I realize something. What I want to create 'here' in The Studio is something I can believe in and that also others could believe in too. I'm reminded of Marilyn Manson saying how his art included his interviews and all he said in addition to his music.
This 'place', this meth [here I switch to the iMac to finish the thought] od is what I aim at doing with this approach to art with my soul as the medium which I am sculpting. Again the word soul is used lightly here for a quick point of reference as to what I am aiming at. To cut to the chase, it is what Marilyn Manson is talking about only without the music, the band, the performances. The art here, my art, is just a communication of feelings about the world as if a lyric to a song or a picture in a painting but instead just using words to convey the alterations in that ineffable quality that makes us human, soul, my person, spirit, my spirit, all those words that try and single something out that cannot be singled out that escapes definition and even explaination. So my art is about saying that I believe in well I want to say what Anthem by Ayn Rand said and then my creative compass goes back to Marilyn Manson talking about being an individual. This is my art. The words that I type here, write here, form here, are like remnants of inner changes subtle and continuous that happen or occur inside of me at a core level of my being. When I say "this is my art" I mean that Marilyn Manson's statement about individualism is like a readymade and that also his statement was influenced and had influences that brought it about. That is basically what I want to say for tonight, that my work is about self creation, creating the self through beliefs and not like that you believe in the toothfairy but that you believe in being a free being who can think critically about anything if so desired and not feel doubt or shame in doing so. My art is working with belief and at the same time aesthetic and feeling and knowledge and wonder and growth. My art asks the question, what if as an artist I did away with mediums other than the person, i.e. myself or rather my self and used that as a so-called medium, the existential clay so to speak with which to knead and mix together and let bloom and blossom and grow and churn in a magical way and unlock wonder in creation, human life itself, consciousness and being human. No more marble or paint or real clay or any of that. Just pure sculpting of the soul of the person of myself, my self. This is an art I am investigating, that I am enlisting into action, especially here now in the Studio.