I worked a hard day today as a manager at Goodwill. There's always something to do at the store. Someone to attend to, something to take care of. Today I was without my iPhone and could not access the annex. I am interested in the basic, straight-forward nature of my job. I go to a building where there are a number of articles of clothing hung up on hangers for sale. There are a number of shelves as well with items, most of which are donated. People come to that same building by car and give us the items, clothing, knick knacks, etc. My job is to keep care pulsing through the store, through the other employees and through the things we sell. I am also a motivator of production when it comes to churning out clothing and wares for sale. A healthily stocked sales floor equates statistically to a healthy bottom line. Goodwill though also has a mission, to improve the quality of life for those served and the employment opportunities as well.
I came upon this job, first as a cashier and now as a manager, at a time of disillusionment. I had hit the bottom of my existential barrel. I was actually 'placed' at Goodwill after an assessment by a doctor and a buro for vocational rehabilitation. In regards my will to art so to speak I was making cartoon dragons at one point in a very unhinged way. I went through a period that was like a psychic break with the factual world. I was curled up in my parents' home with no hope for the future. I still struggle with what the future will yield but I am much more optimistic and curious about the future.
In The Studio here I have set out to unpack and unfold the deep, core feelings, the same as I would do in an abstract painting or a surrealistic drawing. Instead of making marks on a page or canvas or even instead of making music, I am using words as a means to, well actually the words are secondary, they come from epiphanies, realizations, understanding that takes place in my heart at my core level of being, my personhood, my world's center.
I think of Francis Bacon's studio, it was such a God-awful mess. Things strewn about, painted coroded on the floor and other surfaces. Then I think of this studio. It has no material constraints. It almost isn't even constrained by time, though the work is touched by a date each time. The work though can be sifted through, perused, thouroughly investigated from different points. Now that I think of it, the way in which these passages, gestures, passes, thought emenations, come forth in an orderly way is like a room with walls and a fixed position. It's just that the room has as many walls as passages or not it's all in how you look at it or think about it. I guess a brick and mortar room is just as complex or wonderful as you want to treat it.
Here though I am free to work. I can find that which is running through like a current amongst my life expression in the form of a presence at the thrift store Goodwill and here in The Studio along with my website and conversations that I have.
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!